I was strong and proud, feeling independent and capable. I was
collecting information about new terms and details that 9+ years in Africa had left
me only mildly aware of. I was feeling confident about my preferences that I
was discovering that I wanted in a car. I was even feeling hopeful that I might
get a better deal than first expected.
As I wrote out my findings in an email to my Dad, the master
of all deal-finders, I suddenly had tears rolling down my cheek, each moment
led to more at a faster pace (truth be told, even as I am writing this now, my
eyes are brimming with tears). And then
the gentle sobs of a grieving heart began, again.
You see, after 9 years of a beautiful life of love and
service to the Lord in Uganda, I have said “YES” to the Lord’s leading, once
again, only this time it is moving back to America (for good- at least for
now). This step of obedience comes with a whole variety of emotions:
-
grateful
for the Lord’s kindness and patience: this decision has been about a 2 year
process and I am so thankful that in God’s kindness He has not abruptly asked
me to leave but has allowed my heart and mind the time to catch up with the idea
-
sadness
(oh such great sadness) that I will no longer share everyday life with my
precious children/teenagers at Lulwanda
-
torn
that America and Africa are just so far away from each other- how will I stay
in touch with my Ugandan family at Lulwanda?
-
overwhelmed
by the many details/decisions and more so the various options available for
fulfilling those details: case in point- last week’s car search
-
peace
in my decision of obedience to go: The Lord has been teaching me that just
because it is hard, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.
-
thankfulness
that though I find tears flowing at least at some point in each day, the tears
come from love: being loved well and also loving well.
-
Proud and
victorious: I am grateful that I leave Lulwanda in peace, with peaceful
relationships, as I see the Lord still moving and growing the Lulwanda family
through more children and more missionary support. I have stood in stormy
seasons and I have stood in peaceful seasons and there is nothing “chasing” me
from Uganda, but I only walk in obedience to the Lord. Many have asked me, “but
why, why now?” My answer is obedience. To everything there is a season and a
time for every purpose under heaven. Just as I came to Uganda in obedience,
like Abraham went to a foreign land, leaving his family, home, and friends, I
also came. And now just in the same way, I am again obeying the Lord as He says
to go into a new unknown.
-
Humbled:
Of all the many believers in the world, the Lord chose me to bestow the special
and unique gift of the inseparable mixture of life and ministry in Uganda and
directly carrying out his heartbeat of caring for orphans.
-
Surrender
and Confidence: I am not anyone’s savior. The Lord has always been the
Keeper of all of these children. I have had the privilege to play a role in
helping raise them and encourage them in faith, BUT it has and always will be
the Good Father that keeps them.
-
Nervousness
mixed with anticipation: I am a planner and can’t help but think through
all the details. Though I do not yet know the details of what the Lord has
prepared for me in Texas, I am confident that I am returning to the FULLNESS of
what He has for me.
-
Hopeful:
Thanks to a few people speaking great words of Truth and encouragement to me during
my sabbatical, I am confident that this is not an “ending” of my life of ministry,
but the next step. As one person said to me, “You have been faithful in the
small and big in Uganda. The Lord is not bringing you back to America for a
cake walk.” Amen.
So with hands literally outstretched in surrender as I sat
weeping on my bed last week, my heart and voice said,
“Thank you Lord for the privilege of loving you and serving
you.”
“Thank you for a willing heart of surrender to whatever you
have for me.”
“Thank you that Love drives these tears.”
“Thank you that you go before me and know all the details of
what is next.”
“Thank you that in You, my life always has purpose and
meaning.”
“Thank you that You are good and trustworthy.”
“Thank you that you are the same God, my Provider, in both
Uganda and America.”
“Yes Lord. I continue to say, “Yes.”
These might seem like simple statements and searching for a
car and insurance, etc., might seem like simple tasks, but in the mix of a transition
they are heavy with not just the practicality of the task but the heart
emotions: a continued surrender; a continued trust in the faithfulness of the
Lord; a continued declaration of Truth; a continued check on emotions so I am
not just in denial and that I end well; a continued grounding to the moments
NOW and not the anxiety of the days to come; a continued capturing of my
thoughts to make sure they are true, right, good, pure, lovely, and worthy of
praise; a continued mental list to assure that I “forget not all His benefits”.
So, I am asking for your prayers in this transition. I fly out October 10, 2016.
That is 9 years, 5 months, and 8 days from the first day I stepped on Ugandan soil and fell in love with the children of Lulwanda (May 2, 2007).
That is 9 years, 5 months, and 8 days from the first day I stepped on Ugandan soil and fell in love with the children of Lulwanda (May 2, 2007).
In a very practical sense, there are some things that I need
prayer for- whether wisdom, direction, connections, or help.
- - I have my dad on the task of searching for a
car. May it be a good deal and just what I need (and quickly found so that I can
have wheels when I reach Texas).
- - Pray for the best option of heath insurance to
be clear and affordable.
- - My parents have graciously offered for me stay
with them the first few months that I move back. But I will eventually need to
find a place of my own and will need to fill that house with things. This is an
overwhelming thought.
- - Pray that God would be preparing a group of
friends in my season of life that I would find quickly. I am so grateful for my
church small group I have in Burnet, but that likely will not be my final
landing spot/city.
- - I have been encouraged to attend a missionary
debriefing conference a few months after arriving in country. Please pray for
an open spot in the perfect session for me and for the finances to be able to
attend.
- - Pray that I would know how to specifically love
and honor each of my friends and children here and how to say goodbyes well.
And pray BIG with me, that I would have the opportunity to return to Uganda at
least once a year to visit my family here.
- - I am likely looking for a job in ministry or with
an Non-profit or something to do with missions/missionary care. Do you maybe
know of something that would suit me?
o
I love people. I am good at planning and
programing. And I have a heart for the less fortunate
- - In order to start applying for jobs, I need a
modernized and memorable resume. Do you know anyone that can help me with this?
Some people have asked me if I am excited to be returning.
Honestly, not yet. As I mentioned, I am peaceful but sad. I shared this article
with my family that helps to capture the mixture of thoughts and feelings on
repatriating into ones’ home culture.
I know the Lord is with me in this journey. I feel His
nearness and it is surely my good.
